My fears in the build up: I am going to perform. Isn’t that an offering? How much can I ask of my “audience?” In ritual theater, in communal ritual, they would be my peers, and I could ask for their support. But as an artist, a performer, isn’t it I who am here to offer? Is it enough to merely offer? Will that in itself provide something for them, without me having to hold some kind of container---can I enter my own material? I feared I needed to ask for support. Will you dance with me? Will you help me carry this fucking shell of terror?
But the journey, like the insight which came, was not like that. The point of the nest is that I was never alone. The grasping I did in fear was rooted in an idea of myself separate in space and time. The fear points me right to it. When I flip it, I find myself connected—supported by space. It is a beautiful place to rest, and yet…
I danced with this question of support for my relative life, for my installation, for the times when that space of peace feels very far away. Can I ask for support? With this ritual in particular…. If I build something beautiful enough, if I offer my heart and share a journey, will it be enough of an exchange? Will that beauty be worthy of support?
I came to peace that evening. I found excitement that morning- to tell the story! Waiting for years! Just to tell it!
It will be enough.
I do not need to ask. I will offer a story from my soul.
But the journey, like the insight which came, was not like that. The point of the nest is that I was never alone. The grasping I did in fear was rooted in an idea of myself separate in space and time. The fear points me right to it. When I flip it, I find myself connected—supported by space. It is a beautiful place to rest, and yet…
I danced with this question of support for my relative life, for my installation, for the times when that space of peace feels very far away. Can I ask for support? With this ritual in particular…. If I build something beautiful enough, if I offer my heart and share a journey, will it be enough of an exchange? Will that beauty be worthy of support?
I came to peace that evening. I found excitement that morning- to tell the story! Waiting for years! Just to tell it!
It will be enough.
I do not need to ask. I will offer a story from my soul.